Check out my SPOTLIGHT by clicking the above image

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Never doing that again.. well, never say never

I enrolled in a speech class this term. We had to form in a group of 3 and needed to find things that we have in common and present it to the class. I volunteered myself to speak last. My introduction for the first day was a crack up. I pretty much did stand up, working with what i had. Everyone ate it up.

I really want to form a speech about something i'm passionate about. One example the professor gave was one time a guy talked about legalizing prostitution. I was thinking about ranting about the classes we people have placed ourselves in and what it was like before the introduction of class through money. Yeah, it's something like socialism, but when you have people starving to death on one side and on the other they're playing Polo on ELEPHANTS, there's something rotten in the state of Denmark. Cash rules everything around me. C.R.E.A.M get the money. Dollar dollar bill ya'll

Then there's talk of the politicians we can all hear. The censorship put over truth. Real world dilemmas like Darfur, Vietnam, Israel and Palestine, so on.

Here's the twist. I aim to make all my speeches into a performance such as those on Def Poetry Jam.

Friday, January 23, 2009

It's Friday. Another day on this side of the universe. I was in Best Buy recently and lo and behold i found the DVD of Amelie (Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain). I was pretty freaking happy when i got it. the film is a French import about a young girl who lives her life, or more like started living her life, fixing other peoples lives yet her life is without love. Amelie tells her dad something along the lines of "Why fix a gnome when you can fix another person?". In all the film i believe Amelie only has about 2 pages of lines, she is after all a quiet shy person. I'll try not to give anything important away but she ends up falling for a young man but can't bring herself to talk to him. One of my favorite films, a true work of art.

Friday. It's also my friends 21st birthday. We are gonna get so wasted Xo I'm going to go out and meet some people. I had other plans ready with someone who i can't figure out today but that was shipped to hell. O well. Opportunity lost i say.

School starts again Monday morning and i say "FINALLY". I have my books ready and i just love classrooms, books, new faces. Last term was just amazing. I didn't have my crew with me but i had some good friends and cute girls help me get by. After this term i have half a term and i'll apply to SanFran State and NYU. =]

this is agent alan. i kept the peace today. over.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

You know what's BULL SHIT?!

Shoe Laces

no matter how many knots i get these demonic little shits in they can't stay tied. I get them in more knots than a boa constrictoer vs a Judo black belt in a rodeo and somehow these gosh darn Houdinis get untied! it grinds my shit. Sometimes i just want to drive a nail through them, yeah! that'll teach them. but then i'll have a nail through my foot. and that's bull shit.

The Weather

If it's too hot you think you'll spontaneously combust. If it rains you think you'll go the way of the wicked witch of the west. Then on top of that you get sick. What is this the fucking wild? Is this Africa? And then to add an olive to the bull shit pie it ruins plans you made in advance. That is not mud after the rain. That my friends is BULL SHIT

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


If you like fantasy art or digital art, both? visit jason chan's art at
This digital painting i came across i thought was just fucking cute, amazing, talented, etc etc. as hell [=
i invite you to look at some of his work.


I've always wanted to make a painting and document it step by step. My friend Fred, my ex-partner in crime in the Free Art movement, visited me from San Francisco 2 weeks ago. Since moving up there with his girlfriend he has done some amazing works of art. He showed me videos of him working on the paintings on his MacBook and i was just blown away. If he can do this so can i, i said to myself. I mean before he left we had sessions. Sessions is a term graffiti artist use when a group sits and sketches and works on Blackbooks like characters, words, or anything. Lately i found myself unable to finish anything. I feel like i'm just missing something. 404 not found. i lack inspiration. When I go to school for art classes i have deadlines. it's like i'm hired to make work. Other times i dish out pieces is when i think of people or times and end up making portraits or something else. One of my goals or dreams is to migrate to San Francisco and go to school there. But what i aim for is NYU. New York is like the Mecca of culture.

I'm most likely amplifying what it'd be like to live in a grand city but only time can tell and he holds his cards close to his chest.

I cant stand where i'm at because i can't stand where i'm at.

OMG this thing is fucking creepy

*shivers* *gags* it remeinds me of the robots from Ghost in the Shell 2. just watch it move!

The Greatest video on YouTube imo

i remember first seeing this on Kristoff's show El Polaco on Telehit about a year ago. I laugh every time. [=

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Sympathy for the Devil?

first of all, my best friend has a 14 month old boy and my baby sister is 2 years old and i love both with unconditional love. I will give my life for their well being. I back everything this man has to say about the murderer of a 16 month old infant.

George Orwell's writing

"A scrupulous writer, in every sentence that he writes, will ask himself at least four questions, thus: 1. What am I trying to say? 2. What words will express it? 3. What image or idiom will make it clearer? 4. Is this image fresh enough to have an effect?"

"In our time, political speech and writing are largely the defense of the indefensible. Things like the continuance of British rule in India, the Russian purges and deportations, the dropping of atom bombs on Japan, can indeed be defended, but only by arguments which are too brutal for most people to face, and which do not square with the professed aims of political parties. Thus political language has to consist largely of euphemism, question-begging and sheer cloudy vagueness. Defenseless villages are bombarded from the air, the inhabitants driven out into the countryside, the cattle machine-gunned, the huts set on fire with incendiary bullets: this is called pacification. Millions of peasants are robbed of their farms and sent trudging along the roads with no more than they can carry: this is called transfer of population or rectification of frontiers. People are imprisoned for years without trial, or shot in the back of the neck or sent to die of scurvy in Arctic lumber camps: this is called elimination of unreliable elements."

*professing - profession: an open avowal (true or false) of some belief or opinion
*euphemism - Soft words masking a hard reality, as "he passed away" to relate death.
*pacification - the act of forcibly suppressing or eliminating a population considered to be hostile

"Everyone believes in the atrocities of the enemy and disbelieves in those of his own side, without ever bothering to examine the evidence."

"In past ages, a war, almost by definition, was something that sooner or later came to an end, usually in unmistakable victory or defeat. In the past, also, war was one of the main instruments by which human societies were kept in touch with physical reality. All rulers in all ages have tried to impose a false view of the world upon their followers, but they could not afford to encourage any illusion that tended to impair military efficiency. So long as defeat meant the loss of independence, or some other result generally held to be undesirable, the precautions against defeat had to be serious. Physical facts could not be ignored. In philosophy, or religion, or ethics, or politics, two and two might make five, but when one was designing a gun or an aeroplane they had to make four. Inefficient nations were always conquered sooner or later, and the struggle for efficiency was inimical to illusions. Moreover, to be efficient it was necessary to be able to learn from the past, which meant having a fairly accurate idea of what had happened in the past. Newspapers and history books were, of course, always coloured and biased, but falsification of the kind that is practiced today would have been impossible. War was a sure safeguard of sanity, and so far as the ruling classes were concerned it was probably the most important of all safeguards. While wars could be won or lost, no ruling class could be completely irresponsible."

"We are not like that. We know that no one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. Power is not a means, it is an end. One does not establish a dictatorship in order to safeguard a revolution; one makes the revolution in order to establish the dictatorship. The object of persecution is persecution. The object of terrorism is terrorism. The object of oppression is oppression. The object of torture is torture. The object of murder is murder. The object of power is power. Now do you begin to understand me?"

"I know it is the fashion to say that most of recorded history is lies anyway. I am willing to believe that history is for the most part inaccurate and biased, but what is peculiar to our own age is the abandonment of the idea that history could be truthfully written."

"All the Animals in the barnyard are equal, except the Pigs are more equal than the others."

"They laid me down again while somebody fetched a stretcher. As soon as I knew that the bullet had gone clean through my neck I took it for granted that I was done for. I had never heard of a man or an animal getting a bullet through the middle of the neck and surviving it. The blood was dribbling out of the comer of my mouth. ‘The artery's gone,’ I thought. I wondered how long you last when your carotid artery is cut; not many minutes, presumably. Everything was very blurry. There must have been about two minutes during which I assumed that I was killed. And that too was interesting—I mean it is interesting to know what your thoughts would be at such a time. My first thought, conventionally enough, was for my wife. My second was a violent resentment at having to leave this world which, when all is said and done, suits me so well. I had time to feel this very vividly. The stupid mischance infuriated me. The meaninglessness of it! To be bumped off, not even in battle, but in this stale comer of the trenches, thanks to a moment's carelessness! I thought, too, of the man who had shot me—wondered what he was like, whether he was a Spaniard or a foreigner, whether he knew he had got me, and so forth. I could not feel any resentment against him. I reflected that as he was a Fascist I would have killed him if I could, but that if he had been taken prisoner and brought before me at this moment I would merely have congratulated him on his good shooting. It may be, though, that if you were really dying your thoughts would be quite different."

"Power is not a means, it is an end."

"If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - for ever."

Monday, January 19, 2009

Going to the moon, brb

This ancient drugs been around for years and the high is said to be like that of acid, yet is not illegal. You can buy it mail order. YouTubers have been recording their experiences using the drug and posting them and this has caught the attention of law makers who are now working to make it illegal to buy. Here is a video of a YouTuber demonstrating the effects of Salvia by showing how it impairs the senses. He will demonstrate how he will drive a car, perform a u-turn, and parallel park while on salvia.

further reading:


Thursday, January 15, 2009

head trip

i was holding a baby last night, not my own, while lying on my bed. The infant frees itself from my grips and falls down the side of the bed which rests by the wall. I quickly look down and it's all dark almost like a chasm. I jump out of bed in a panic and turn on the light then with a quick reflex move the bed. i suddenly wake up standing exactly where i was in my sleep with a flux of realization. 


life being the chaos that it is, i was shuffled into a losing hand.
baby, i'm no joker.

Monday, January 12, 2009

fucked up again

I was watching jackass the movie after a long day of bull shit, i just wanted to relax, and i got up to the scene where they shove a car up Ryan Dunn's ass and then take him to get an X-Ray so that it shows up in the image. etc etc. So in passing i mention out loud that i thought it'd be cool to be a radiologist. My dad puts the mute on and goes "what?" so i think "fuck! he's going to start his hour lecture again" and i just wanted to rest. So i say "Nothing. forget about it" "no. What did you say" "i just said i thought it'd be cool to be a radiologist. that's it" "Well why don't you go to school for that. what are you doing wasting your time in art" "... never mind. just forget about it" and he continues to grind my nuts while i'm washing my dishes. So i go back outside to read and he follows shortly to surely talk to me about the economy and how hard it is in the business world. All i wanted to do was read. (just realized this is kinda like the song by Suicidal Tendencies "Institutionalized"). So he starts to talk and i just cut him off and i don't usually have much to say on a normal day but i tell him about his contradictions in his stories and the reality of some matters he was pointing out. Boy he was mad. But then i tell him that he should learn to make his points in just a few words rather than an hour speech because less is more. I regret all i said. I should have allowed my father to continue living in his perfect world where he's actually helping me and molding me into a good person, but sadly the truth hurts.

Moral of the story. Only speak when spoken to.

Flattery or Biting?




I'm not a big fan of Outerspace or Jedi Mind Tricks at that and a huge fan of Company Flow. But the jury's out on this one.

I would be more apathetic if I weren't so lethargic

One of the best psychadelic bands of the 60's!

Also i went pee like 5 times within 5 hours. (get's up to pee, for realsies)

I haven't had a chance to watch the new episodes of Scrubs yet. :/ it's one of my favorite shows. JD, Turk, and Cox are just hilarious.

O! and the "I would be more apathetic if i weren't so lethargic" is from Family Guy where Peter tries to educate himself by reading the New Yorker at a magazine/ news paper booth.

"I would be more apathetic if I weren't so lethargic"
(I would show more abscense of emotion, if i werent so tired)

*waits 2 days*

"OHHhhhhh i get it, thats kinda funny...
Yeah can i get a copy of Juggs?"

i'm going to bed early (it's 12:35 AM).

Peace. see you.. space cowboy.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

My name is Alan. My planet is Boss.

Perhaps it's the curiosity of the unknown that we venture into issues of things such as sanctity and romanticize it in films. The film 'The Holy Mountain' created by Alejandro Jodorowsky in the 70's backed by the Beatles throws out the romantics and feeds it LSD. I could not look away, I showed it to Ms. Gabby and she thought the idea of this film was pretty odd as well.

The film slams in head first with heavy symbolism and wordplay into the issue of religion and the human minds weakness of following and searching for the 'holy grail' by finding and climbing the holy mountain to find spiritual enlightenment and becoming one with God. This film is about a Christ looking figure who is used as a mold of the real Christ. He awakes in the beginning and ventures into a town and befriends prostitutes and a chimpanzee. The symbolism in this film is megaton. There's a scene where the man walks into a waltz occupied by soldiers who pay no attention to him carrying an idol of the Christ, but is just a mold of himself, and walks up to a rotted bible and places his image over it. He then walks up to a bed and lifts the sheet to reveal a man wearing a Pope hat spooning with a different Christ idol. The Pope kicks the man out and the man proceeds to eat his Christ figure's face and ties it, crucifixion style, to balloons and let's it go up into the sky.

The man, known as the 'thief' in the film is befriended by an alchemist who turns the thief's shit into gold, literally. The thief is representing planet Earth in this film and along the way they meet the other 8 incarnations of our solar systems planets that seek immortality and holy sanctity. The planets name describes the person, for example Mars is Ares the god of war in greek mythology. Isla who's planet is Mars manufactures weapons and special weapons for different religions. She makes weapons for Christians, Jews, and weapons made so kids will buy them, etc. These 9 follow the alchemist through a party held on a grave site where they deny all temptations of drugs that corrupt the minds of people who claim that the holy mountain is the drug and the mind is the gate of heaven.

In the end they make it to the top of the holy mountain and find that the gods they are to replace are faceless dummies. The Alchemist laughs and the camera crew laughs and reveal that it was all pointless. The whole point of the film is pointlessness. It reveals the absurdity of religion and mysticism. Jodorowsky shows an overwhelming slew of religious and mystical symbolism and many are led to believe that they are significant. Jodorowsky intones: "The flower knows. You don't need to ask it. Plants are the books where knowledge is written. The grave is your first mother." However, at the end Jodorowsky lifts the veil and shows that it was all meaningless. Even the movie is an illusion, the film admits to being a meaningless illusion, just like religion and the idea of higher powers.

In the end it was all fake. But to reach the top they changed who they were for the better. So even though there was no God and they didn't become immortal they were able to do something good with their life. They didn't corrupt themselves with drugs and war. So was the trip pointless? This was my interpretation of the ending.

This film is surely not for everyone and aimed for those with open minds or a keen sense of picking up images and understanding symbolism. If you can do anything with this it's a nice trip into this directors thoughts and creative ideas on his view of religion. 

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Ignoramus System

I've spent many sleepless nights due to my mind wandering around in late hours with me worrying if it's okay. Have you ever thought about Google? Many if not all of us know how to work it, but do we know HOW it works? Why? We need logic. Many youths don't know why the lights go on when you flick on switch. But one thing is for sure, they can rock you at Play Station. Sir Isaac Newton, Benjamin Franklin, and Da Vinci are thinkers. They spent their time pondering and getting results. 

Schools today are more concerned that you graduate from your classes than the thought of you actually understanding what is being taught. In my high school it was a common thing to see drug deals and fist fights. I even witnessed a riot and saw a video of a stabbing, a fatal shooting, all within a few years of students. It was more like a town of outlaws rather than a place of learning. These kids should be taught to know what's real. It's been a steady decline in the educational system because fools are teaching fools. Some of my teachers actually helped me cheat on tests and once my class took the SAT together because the winning class received a pizza party. Holy shit. I can even barely spell.

Knowledge is passed down and built upon things already done. Plato described knowledge as a statement that is justified, true, and can be believed. So the best teachers are parents and schools. But if neither know what's what, what's the point? These two are concerned that you get a good job rather than a self satisfying career. Like i love art but was always told that it's a worthless career because there's no money in it,  but it's not about the money, never was, it's about the passion. And now i think i've lost some of that passion as a result of slander, even though i act like it doesn't affect me.

So how does google work? i'll leave that to you. 

i'm going back to sleep. 


Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Execution of Oscar Grant by police officer

This was clearly unjust and having the gun out was unnecessary. The officers had control of the situation, they had the unarmed Grant sitting on the wall handcuffed and then proceeded to pull him down and then take his life. I can't say if this was racially motivated or not, but the video shows the outer actions and results of the situation. I think if the video didn't exist and it was just eye witness testimony they'll settle with the family out of court and set the officer free and back on the job. The video however tells the story, not the full story but enough. Now he might be punished by the full extent of the law, which he is supposed to uphold, to protect and serve. 

Hopefully the family will do something worthy of their lost one with the 20+ million dollars they'll surely receive, such as a memorial or donate/ form a charity or just for his daughter's college. 

Should guns be outlawed in the US like in Britain? In the UK it is currently an offence for anyone to be in possession of one without a valid licence. A licence may be obtained by anyone aged 17 or over who has a valid reason such as hunting or target shooting. Maybe officers with a certain qualification, park officers, and military should be the only ones to carry a gun. It's so easy for the general public to get a hold of a gun. Guns bring accidental shootings of kids playing with one, robberies, passionate murder, ... 

Monday, January 5, 2009

The Bootleg Series Vol. 4., Bob Dylan Live 1966., The Royal Albert Hall Concert

While at the library, a few days back, i ran into my buddy Garland Miller. He's a country boy..

Pictured here in the middle:

.. we were having a nice convo about music. He was going on and on about country and how anything after 1972 is SHIT. How the Byrds were in every other band and so on. Then we go into Dylan and we're looking at scores of books on him. He's telling me of his albums and he mentions THE BOOTLEG SERIES. I was unaware of these, i just knew of the Live collection i've seen in stores. He talked about his live performance in '66 and how it was his transition into electric instruments and how he got booed. His selling tactics worked. I was able to find a copy of this album for 10 bucks!!! XD  it's amazing

Tangled up in the color brown ..

Post back soon:

The Day AFTER new years..

was my friend Ivan's 18 birthday. This bastard: . He asked  our friend, Juan, if he can host his birthday party at his house, juan's. Juan, being the good guy that he is, agrees, IF  Ivan can come up with money for beer. Ivan claims to have 50 dollars. (now that's not going to get you  a lot). But the next day he has only 20. "What happened Ivan?" "My mom needed gas money". Ivan doesn't have a job and he gets his money from mom. So the day before Juan calls Ivan to confirm his 20 dollars to which Ivan responds, "I have 10".  The bastard. So Juan got upset with him and pretty much told Ivan that the party was off. So the party people we rounded up were still coming over, we just celebrated Ivan's party without him.

Around 15 people came over to play beer pong, play rock band, and just converse. I was the DD for my buddy Ruben that night, which sucked ass. I met some new people and got reunited with some old friends that night. I was also the guardian of my 'home girl' Grace's baby. Baby Matt, i love that baby. 

Baby Matt has teh fi3r

I talked to everyone there and now i have confirmed i'm not going to be DD next time. I'm getting hammered and staying over. I need to. 2008 was a lonely singles year for me, it's my turn to cry while being drunk.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

... And I know because of krs-one.

i'm sick and tired of rappers flashing us on television talking JIVE about being the best in the "GAME". i'm sick and tired of being sold things i can't afford by these fast talking flashy businessmen. i'm sick and tired of flashy men selling ideas of hustling and gang life to the kids as a haven in the ghettos. i'm sick and tired of these guys tapping music videos in run down barrios while driving in Ferraris and Expeditions covered in jewels running from police, then show up in Hollywood with a posse of officers outside a 5 star restaurant the next day. i'm sick and tired of every song having a dance to it, achy breaky heart did it first. i'm sick and tired of kids calling each other by slurs, not because the word lost its power, but because they forgot its birth. i'm sick and tired of them calling what they dish out HIP HOP. yeah, keep it real.. far away as possible.

Think, exist

"We know how a single or a few atoms behave, but the way trillions of them come together to create the world around us is a mystery. The atoms that come together that make you and i are identical to the atoms that make the trees, air, rocks, and stars and yet come together to create a conscious being that can ask the questions.."

- some video i watched

Protect the King (life is like a game of chess)

Protect the king from the fuckers, the screwheads, against the scum, the cunts, the dogs, the filth, the shit who cast aside their humanity because of hate or for greed. The greed that over picks the fruit from the tree of life and gorge themselves on it and after they get drunk off their ass they sell it and its many secrets, sell something that belongs to everyone and everything. If you believe in angels believe in book smart devils. The spiritually corrupt manipulate ours using self appointed power. Power ripped away, stolen from the meek. The meaning in life, for the present, is to protect the life and if possible make it better, for the future. The good, the just, the righteous, the prophets, the sweet, the kind. See, life is like a game of chess, and the king is the unborn. This is one possibility for a meaning in life

Et tu, Alan?

So much time. So little to say. Hello antisocial committee. My name is Alan and i'm about drifting on this ocean called life. O, I wish i could spend it napping under an apple tree. Alas! The occasional night terror commences. Then the wet dream. It's a cycle. A cliche. You can spend it working to get to the top; climbing, falling, climbing, falling, just busting your ass off only to find that countless others are already at the top. You can spend it dying, with drugs, money, sex, and other pieces of wool that blind you. Nah, fuck it. That's not what i'm about. I'm not ready to kick my feet up just yet. I know i'm a four star general with five star potential. I'm just too deep in my sleep, floating here, with others, waiting, i guess, for my motivation. Yet in my dreams i can hear a soft, almost angelic, shy voice singing:

"row row row your boat. gently down the stream. merrily merrily merrily merrily. life is but a dream."

i'm not ready.